Your Goddamn Rights (part 2)

I know, I know, the U.S. Constitution is boring.  I know.  Wait, what the fuck are you talking about you year 1775 commie?  Pull yourself together and experience the awesomeness.  Let’s go over what’s sweet about amendments four through six.

4th amendment: Search and Seizure

The right of the people to be secure in their persons, houses, papers, and effects, against unreasonable searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no Warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by Oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.

The 4th amendment guarantees my experimental, confused adults’ everyone’s secrets stay SECRET, like they should be, Mom…

5th amendment: Trial and Punishment, Compensation for Takings

No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a Grand Jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the Militia, when in actual service in time of War or public danger; nor shall any person be subject for the same offense to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation.

The amendment is responsible for most of the reality shows we take for granted today!

6th amendment: Right to Speedy Trial, Confrontation of Witnesses

In all criminal prosecutions, the accused shall enjoy the right to a speedy and public trial, by an impartial jury of the State and district wherein the crime shall have been committed, which district shall have been previously ascertained by law, and to be informed of the nature and cause of the accusation; to be confronted with the witnesses against him; to have compulsory process for obtaining witnesses in his favor, and to have the Assistance of Counsel for his defence.

Feel better then worse–quickly!

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Your Goddamn Rights (part 1)

Everyone knows the U.S. Constitution is bad-ass.  But what most people don’t know is how mind-blowing what they protect is.  I read the full constitution the other day and I wanted to show you just how sweet your world is with the Bill of Rights up all our hoo-haws.

1st amendment: Freedom of press, religion, and expression.

1st Amendment

Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or abridging the freedom of speech, or of the press; or the right of the people peaceably to assemble, and to petition the Government for a redress of grievances.

The first amendment is responsible for giving us the tea party total jerk-offs to laugh at!

2nd amendment: The right to bear arms

AKA Bear manA well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed.

The second amendment is directly responsible for this BEAR-BABY and at least two X-men!

3rd amendment: Quartering of Soldiers

No Soldier shall, in time of peace be quartered in any house, without the consent of the Owner, nor in time of war, but in a manner to be prescribed by law.

This guy’s in the wrong goddamn century.


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